How to Overcome the Guilt of Relapse

Recovering from any kind of addiction or substance misuse is an ongoing process. A relapse refers to a return to drugs, alcohol or destructive patterns of behaviour in the case of behavioural addictions such as gambling.

A relapse can feel like a big setback. But it certainly does not have to be the end of the process, but overcoming guilt after relapse can be quite challenging.

Understanding Relapse in Addiction Recovery

For many people in recovery, there’s a sense that any kind of relapse equals failure, but this is simply not the case. Relapse is extremely common, including for many people who go on to make and maintain a long-lasting recovery.

It is difficult to get precise figures for a number of reasons. Records of people seeking treatment for substance misuse may not include follow-ups. Some people may not report their relapses, and relapse rates can vary widely depending on the type of addiction and other factors such as age and personal circumstances. Different studies can show relapse rates of anywhere from 20% to 80%. Still, it seems likely that, in all circumstances, at least one in four people in recovery – and often far more – will experience a relapse.

Relapse is always best avoided, but it can also be managed, and, for many people, it can be a part of the journey towards a successful and lasting recovery. If you remain determined, a relapse can be something to learn from as you move forward.

The Emotional Impact of Relapse: Guilt and Shame

There are a number of reasons why relapse may trigger feelings of guilt or shame. In psychological terms, guilt is generally associated with actions or behaviour (‘I did bad things’), while shame is more related to the sense of self (‘I am a bad person’).

The period of substance misuse, which can often last for years, and any associated behaviours may themselves be a source of shame or guilt. Loved ones may have been poorly treated. The person in recovery may feel embarrassment or regret not only over the way they acted under the influence but in ‘allowing’ themselves to become addicted in the first place.

There may still be a sense of stigma, and while it is important to remember that anyone can develop an addiction or substance misuse issue, relapse may still trigger all of these negative feelings.

Recovery is a challenging process, and a person experiencing relapse may also feel they have let themselves down, as well as mentors, peers and recovery professionals who may have been treating them. Shame, guilt, addiction and recovery can all interact in different and complex ways. Substance misuse may sometimes be a method of self-medicating to cope with negative emotions such as shame.

In other cases, the substance misuse may be the cause of the shame or guilt. For many people, drinking, drug use and addiction are tangled up in a web of negative emotions and interpersonal difficulties, all of which can fuel a vicious cycle of harmful thoughts and behaviour and make relapse more likely. Coping with relapse guilt and managing shame in addiction recovery is, therefore, very important in the long-term recovery journey.

Strategies to Overcome Guilt After Relapse

There is no single strategy on how to overcome the guilt of relapse, but insights gained from therapy and relapse prevention sessions during addiction treatment can certainly help. Some strategies that may be useful can include:

Self-Compassion and Forgiveness

Accepting the past and learning to forgive yourself for past actions and behaviours is a big part of any holistic recovery process. It helps you to let go of the past and break free of negative thought patterns. This sense of self-forgiveness in recovery should also continue if you relapse; otherwise, you could spiral into a vicious cycle of negative thoughts and behaviours. Remind yourself that relapse is common and does not necessarily mean an end to recovery, especially if you commit to learning from it.

Identifying Triggers and Learning from Relapse

Learning and self-reflection are far more positive and valuable than guilt if you do make a mistake. Consider the circumstances and feelings that you experienced leading up to the relapse. Try to avoid them in future or develop coping strategies for situations that cannot be avoided.

Seeking Support

Having a support network in place is very important at all stages of recovery but can be particularly important in helping you to put relapse into perspective and deal with any guilt. If you have been to rehab, addiction relapse support will form part of the aftercare programme, but family, friends, helplines and support groups can also provide vital support.

Reintegrating into the Recovery Process

It is important to view any relapse not as the end of the recovery but as a temporary setback and potential learning opportunity. That is not to say that relapses should be taken lightly or avoided wherever possible. There is also a danger that by taking such setbacks too lightly, there could be a slip back into harmful habits and patterns of behaviour.

It is important to revisit and revise an ongoing recovery plan where needed, setting realistic goals and celebrating big and small milestones alike.

Preventing Future Relapses

A holistic rehab or addiction treatment programme will address the psychological aspects of addiction and the root causes of substance misuse, as well as help you formulate your own tailored strategies for dealing with stress and trigger situations. Relapse prevention sessions will provide you with the tools you need to have the best chances of avoiding relapse in the first place.

Relapse can still occur, though, and it is essential to maintain ongoing support and continuous self-assessment. Healthy habits and routines can also help in sustaining recovery.

If you need help getting over a relapse, maintaining a recovery, or taking your first steps towards one, get in touch today to find out how we can help.